In a previous post we talked about cyberbullying and what it is. However, because of it’s somewhat anonymous and online nature, it can be difficult to determine if your child is being cyberbullied online. Sometimes it can be easy to spot, especially if your child feels comfortable showing you mean comments or posts on their social accounts or cruel messages in their texts. Other times, it’s much harder to spot. Your child may believe they are ‘old enough’ or ‘mature enough’ to handle it on their own. They may also be afraid that they will lose their phones or gaming consoles in response. If a parent or guardian has been dismissive of other bullying or worries the child has had in the past, they are less likely to want to talk about it. This is especially true if the parent does not understand the technology.
Children, especially teenagers, exhibit strange behaviors from time to time. Your child may withdraw from family, lock themselves in their room, or develop unusual fascinations. These actions make it difficult to distinguish between signs cyberbullying and normal developmental behavior. We’ve constructed a scenario to help explain these behaviors.
Your child is in the living room and absently scrolling through their phone. They turn their phone screen away from you, even though you couldn’t see the screen. Their scrolling has slowed, and it appears that they are reading very intensely. Suddenly, your child begins to cry or they slam their phone onto the couch in anger. Before you can react, they are running to their room. All you hear is the slam of their bedroom door and crying.
After giving them a minute to collect themselves, you approach their door, asking them what happened. You’re met with anger and demands to be left alone. Initially, as parents, we may feel confused or the need to match our child’s energy, but instead we give them the space they’ve asked for, thinking that they just need time to get through whatever was bothering them.
From then, you notice that they’re becoming more and more secretive about their digital lives. They’re no longer talking about their online activities with you. They are constantly glued to their screen. You try to talk to them about it again. They tell you to leave them alone. They stop sleeping at night and stop eating. It seems impossible to get them out of their rooms. Once they get a notification they’re attention immediately goes to their phone. You feel like you’re living with a ghost.
Their grades start to slip and they’re getting in trouble at school; not to mention, getting them to go is like pulling teeth.
This leads to a huge fight between you and your child. You take away their phone and computer, you ground them from the TV.
You go through their phone, computer, and social media accounts.
Then you realize, to your horror, your child is being cyberbullied.
Cyberbullied children suffer from lasting negative physical, psychological, and emotional effects. They typically struggle with depression, anxiety, and feelings of low self-worth. They can also develop other stress-related disorders like PTSD. These disorders do not simply go away and will continue to impact a child well into adulthood and throughout the rest of their lives. They deal with feelings of anger, sadness, and embarrassment. Cyberbullied children-now-adults may have trust issues in both romantic and other interpersonal relationships and have difficulties setting boundaries.
They also have an increased number of physical issues due to the cyberbullying; like headaches and gastrointestinal issues. Many victims develop eating disorders and there is a noted increase in suicide attempts.
In a study conducted by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research, researchers found that twice as many sexually abused girls were also the victims of cyberbullying than those who weren’t sexually abused. While most parents wouldn’t draw a connection between cyberbullying and being sexually abused, there is a lot of crossover.
Parents do not commonly link sexual abuse and cyberbullying. However, the link exists due to the likelihood of sex abuse victims facing further victimization throughout their lives.
Cyberbullies often employ tactics similar to online predators, such as creating fake identities to befriend and gain the trust of their victims. Once perpetrators establish trust they use personal information shared by the victim to humiliate and harm them. In more serious cases, perpetrators coerce victims into romantic relationships. The perpetrators may manipulate them into sharing intimate photos. Perpetrators may then use these photos to extort their victims, threatening to expose them unless more photos are provided.
This behavior, known as sextortion, is illegal and deeply impacts a child’s mental health. Victims often feel isolated and afraid to seek help from their parents or authorities, fearing retaliation from the bully or predator, as well as repercussions from their family.
In other instances, victims in trusting relationships may have shared intimate photos. The former partner, wanting to humiliate or shame the victim, shares those photos without the victim’s consent. This sharing constituting online sexual abuse and potentially a criminal offense in many jurisdictions.
First offer your child support and comfort if they come to you about being cyberbullied. Let them know they can open up when they’re ready. Remind them it’s not their fault, even if they sent pictures or talked to strangers online. Advise them not to respond to messages or calls from the bully, as this can encourage more bullying. Notify your child’s school, especially if the bully is a classmate, and involve your child in this process so they stay informed. Keep records like call logs, screenshots, and reports to the police as evidence to support your case.