Back to School: Peer-on-Peer Sex Abuse

Too often is peer-on-peer sex abuse, or when one minor child forces sexual contact with another minor child, dismissed as ‘natural curiosity’. People often infantilize perpetrators or excuse them by saying, ‘They didn’t know what they were doing”. Regardless of excuses peer-on-peer sex abuse is wrong. It can happen between different or same-gender children and children similar or different in age.

One common place where peer-on-peer abuse occurs is in schools and it can happen as early as kindergarten. It can take the form of physical sex acts or forced touching, sharing pornography, or sexting. On many occasions it escalates from bullying (see our articles on sextortion, cyberbullying, and online sex abuse).

Amidst the chaos of back to school season, how can we protect our children from being abused by their peers?

Peer-on-Peer Sex Abuse Prevention Techniques

The good news is, that even though you may not be able to be present for every second of every school day, there are things you can do to help prepare and protect your child from peer-to-peer sex abuse.

Be Familiar with the School’s Bullying and Harassment Policies

Every school should have documented anti-bullying and harassment policies. Typically, these will be provided in your child’s student handbook. If they are not, you can request a copy of them from the school office. Furthermore, if no policies exist or if the existing policies are not current, notify the administration. They may not realize their policy doesn’t cover topics such as the sharing of non-consensual pornography or cyberbullying.

Power Imbalances

Most abused children are victims of power imbalances. The other child is bigger, stronger, or has more friends and your child has attracted their attention in some way. As soon as your child mentions that another child has targeted them, contact the school and stress your concerns to them. Nipping the abuse in the bud can prevent the situation from escalating to forced touching or sexual assault.

Teach Your Children about Appropriate Touch

We’ve mentioned ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’ in previous blog posts, and it should not go unmentioned here. Equip your children with the knowledge of where touch is and is not allowed. They should also know that even if someone touches them in a ‘good touch’ spot and it makes them uncomfortable, that they need to tell you right away.

Get Involved with the School Board

Even if you do not join the board directly, you can go to public meetings and make yourself heard. Your child depends on you to advocate for them. You can make a difference what happens in their school. Your participation means that you have a voice and, what’s more, you have a vote in the school board decision making process.

Record-keeping

Do not let your complaints go unheeded or let the administrator dismiss them. Keep records of all conversations and interactions. If the targeting escalates, report the abuse to the school district and, if needed, the state school board.

In any case, you must be proactive. Perpetrators of this kind abuse are opportunistic and will take advantage of any situation they can and, consequently, your child becomes a victim.